Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
