haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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