shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
