Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
