dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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