my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
