Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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