i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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