..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
