the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
