Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
