Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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