Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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