hell yes lets make some ravioli
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize