We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
