Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
