Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
