can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
