My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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