My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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