there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
