Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize