I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize