My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
