i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
