id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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