My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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