the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
