I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
