He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
