So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
