I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
