My hand turned me down
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
