Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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