Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
