My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
