He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
