Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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