just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
