so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
time to smoke my breakfast
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
