How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
