my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
