I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
