there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
