Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Randomize
