So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
why do cheetos always look like penises
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
