Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
