Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
