i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
