Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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