I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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