i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
