That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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