a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
