I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
