nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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