I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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