cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
why do cheetos always look like penises
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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