i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
we're making bets on your personal life
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
