i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
