If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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