wrigley field is MILF paradise
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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