Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
false alarm. still invincible.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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