I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
