I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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