remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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