Plan B is the new Plan A
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
