Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
