Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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