My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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