He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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