when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just had sex bonerless
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
