i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
