I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
