Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My breasts were aching with rage.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
