I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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