I want to have your abortion
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
