I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
