How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
